Half way

Half way there.  Doesn't seem possible.  I am flooded, drowning with emotion.  Half the hurdles jumped.  More to come. So many more.  Higher.  Intangible. Harder.  No one said it was going to be easy.  I know it's worth it.  I'm worth it. 100 pounds down.  100+ more to go.  Will I win the battle, overcome the battle and take charge?  How can I possibly do that? Right from the start I set milestones for myself.  Because this journey is all about me, my milestones are personal.  Now after seven months I met and conquered two of them; met them head on and succeeded.  Amazing me.  So Proud.  Scared shitless.  They say if you set yourself up for failure, you will fail big.  If you set yourself up for success, you will succeed.  Now my quest, my mission is reaching the next three milestones.  How can I ever imagine to meet them?  This is the question at hand.  All those self-help, self-proclaimed gurus/know-it-alls say to break the next 100 pounds into smaller, more manageable (and celebratory) goals.  Done. Sounds easy.  Everything sounds easy but it's not.  I know I am only half way there.  So the real test, the real challenge, the real fight is still ahead of me. Looming.  I see the hurdles. Unimaginable fear.  Intangible goals.  Big leaps of faith.  Still scared shitless.  
So, how do successful people succeed?  What is their secret?  How do they succeed, reach their goals and have their amazing success in life?  The secret, I have discovered, is a positive mental attitude.  It is the one simple trait found in the world's most successful people.  It also seems intangible.  There are days that one could say I possess a positive mental attitude.  And other days, it seems the world is falling on top of me.  The strength to overcome is overwhelming and the negative seeps in.  Like tar, it weighs you down, pulls at you until you have no strength and does not free you...it stymies you, it negates everything.  You become a part of the muck and mire around you.    You could be surrounded by your best friends, best people in your life and yet you feel like you're drowning.  I'm one of the lucky ones.  I have an amazing support system that just keeps growing.  But know this, I have my days where my demons and my negativity beat me up.  
If we surround ourselves with people who are successful, who are forward-moving, who are positive, who are focused on producing results, who support us, it will challenge us to be more and do more. If you can surround yourself with people who will never let you settle for less than you can be,  you have the greatest gift that anyone can hope for. - Tony Robbins.  
I have achieved much success these last many months.  I was recently asked how I do this, day after day, calorie after calorie.  I hesitated, contemplated my word choice.  Finally I said, "I just do it."  No rhyme, no reason.  It's what I do now.  I don't have any after thoughts; I don't have any regrets. I just do it.  It's a part of me.  Then my friend asked me if I wanted a donut, a candy bar, a bag of candy, anything off the menu, dessert, anything sweet.  Hell yes I do.  I crave it everyday but I know that success isn't built on going backward.  This misstep would cause, what I know would be, an avalanche of wrong eating, wrong habits and again, negate, all that I have achieved.  I am not that person who sabotages myself.  At least I consciously do not.  I have had friends and family attempt to sabotage my journey by telling me how great I've done, now treat yourself.  Ha.   I 'treated' myself for so many years, wasted years.  Treat after treat got me to that 3-digit number and abstaining from those treats will get me to that desired 3-digit number.  Seriously.  I see the finish line, the goal line.  It's a distant blur, but will soon come in focus. It is attainable.  It is goal-worthy.  I am worthy.  

Three more milestones; 365+ more days, countless work-out sessions, endless calorie counting, healthy eating choices and ultimate fear.  Am I ready for the hard work to begin?  I am scared.  I am so scared that all this will be for naught; that I will regress, lose sight of my end goal and not have the strength to overcome my internal sabotage.

"Don't let anyone every break your soul.
You have to stand on your own two feet and stand up for yourself.
There are those what would give anything to see you fail, but you must never give them the satisfaction.
Hold your head up high, smile and stand your own ground."

The journey is worth it.  I am worth it. I see the hurdles, the so very high hurdles, the impossible and intangible hurdles.  I can do this - 21 weeks and 40 pounds will be realized.  Here I come Milestone #3!