What Have You Noticed?

A question that I am constantly asked is:  now that you have lost this weight and are literally half your size, have you noticed anything?  Uh Yeah.  I'm in a cyclical, ever-moving change.  Ugh. There it is. again.  The vicious word: Change.
Change is a constant in my life. Now. Always. It is a love-hate relationship.  It is my best friend.  It is my shadow. It is a bond that no matter what life holds for me, is stuck like glue to me. Today. Tomorrow. Whether I like it or not, change is here to stay.  Forever.  It devours my day.
I can try to discern. Attempt to explain. It is overwhelming, very emotional and noticed in every step I now take. Change.  It's there.  It's a permanent resident in my life.  It's the unending fountain of changes that seem to spill daily that I cannot fathom.  From the simple to the most complex changes and experiences that most people take for granted. I now experience.  I now know.  This 2+year journey has made me come face to face with some hard truths, soul-searching discoveries and mundane things smaller, active people take for granted.

Someone asked me what have I noticed now that I am practically half my size?
Well.  Huh.  Hard question to answer for there are so many, too many "things" that people take for granted that I could NEVER do or tried doing.  Or things that I could not experience. Things like:
- sitting in a booth (often times there is a foot of distance between me and the table!. Unreal).
- my lap - I actually HAVE a lap!  I can place my napkin in the proper place not securely tucked inside my shirt.  In fact, my lap can hold my labtop, my bag, my coat, a child can actually sit on my lap.
- sitting in a theatre chair OR a folding chair comfortably
- sitting in a classroom setting/college setting and being able to pull down the desk
- flying - sitting in a seat and not pouring myself into the next seat and not needing an extender. crazy how a seat belt extension was used for so many years.
- walking for more than a block without having to sit down
- walking/running up and down stairs (having knee issues now so that has slowed down).  now I do. even in sandals. without holding onto the railing.
- standing for long periods of time
- wearing something other than my dreaded tennis shoes (which i did every day for 15-20 years); wedge heals are my favorite (go figure)
- wearing clothes that are not on the plus side of a store
- making a healthy choice (uh yeah. I still have food issues)
- making a conscious decision to move, to exercise (and yes I still have those days where I just want to couch and netflix)
- walking on unsteady surfaces (the whole getting into a boat and out I needed two people for assistance, now I don't)
- to hygienically take care of myself.  Not that I didn't. But it's easier to shave my legs now. And let's face the truth.  the brutal hard truth:  when I was 400+ pounds, I struggled taking care of myself.  Hard truth. Brutal truth.  I needed help. This truth makes me cry.  Hard to swallow.  Hard to tell.  But for some morbidly obese people, it is valid and how they live.  I am fortunate. Some people are not.
- my hair - my hair has gone through dramatic change.  For better or for worse.  It's finally growing.  it's thriving.  for awhile it was not growing; it was stagnant, fried and breaking off. ugh.  weight loss will do that.  that's the one thing they never tell you.
- simple household chores
- buying a t-shirt when everyone else orders one (that isn't a man-size or fits like a man)

More exciting things that I have noticed; that have changed:

- my motivation.  I am motivated.
- my hands.  My body - I've noted the changes specifically in my hands.  They are veined, ripped if you will.  They are a clear sign of the weight loss.  I simply cannot fathom that change.  It was about a year ago, I discovered I could take my hand and wrap my thumb and my forefinger around my opposite wrist. I absolutely love my hands.  my forearm.
- clothes - have I told you that for months I have been purchasing clothes. I have been trying to 'get comfortable' and accepting of the letter "L". It stands for large.  A word, a size that has never been in my wardrobe since. forever. since my middle school years.  since my elementary school years.  And now more recently I am trying to accept this change: the letter "M".  It stands for medium. wow.
- crossing your legs - I have a big tendency to cross my legs. whenever I can, always.  it's so so very surreal.  so beyond surreal. and yet. it's something you take for granted.

So everyday.  I rally the unexpected and expected changes.  I partner with my best friend, "change" and experience a bevy of new day to day discoveries that I can do, that my body can do.  It's surreal.  It's comforting.  It's scary.  It's.  Change.